Why must it always be this way. Am I just destine to be alone? I fall for someone who can be mine. Maybe I'm just supposed to be a watcher. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever get back what I give out. More than people know, I give so much of myself. Sacrificing my own needs for others. I'm always putting myself second.
I thought perhaps that my time had come to be truly happy. I meet someone who is just wonderful. Handsome, sweet, a gentleman. I tell myself not to get attached. To ease back, to many times I've run in blindly, only to be disappointed. I put my expectations too high. It's no wonder I don't fly anymore. I've clipped my wings, and forgotten how to fly.
I don't know why I'm so concerned with being along. I always have been. Shutting myself in my own little world. Living through my friends relationships, or creating my own out of something that isn't there.
I don't feel anymore, at least it seems that way. Of course I really do, but the only times when I feel, it's too good to be true.
Maybe I'm one of those people who are addicted to doomed relationships. I care too much and give my heart to almost anyone. I almost can't hate anymore. And a being who can't hate is not much of a being, barley human. I guess my purpose is servitude to the world. Give myself to everyone around me and not expect it to return to me. My feelings, desires, needs, are irrelevant. They do not matter. My purpose is to give and nothing more. It's what I do best. I love unconditionally, I've always befriended those that others would never associate with.
I am the watcher.
I am the giver.